Sometimes...

...I wish I was good instead of what I am. Nice and kind and sweet. Some people might think that is me. But I have them fooled. Because I am rude and angry and selfish. Mean and ugly and lazy. Spiteful. Bitter. Hateful. A user. An abuser. Nothing good in me. I only pretend to be good and it usually doesn't last long. What I am so naturally, so effortlessly is wretched and horrible. If you knew me, you would know that I am telling the truth. You would know I'm not depressed or down. You would know me for who I am. That I am not good. Although, I do try to be good. And even wish I was good. Sometimes.