Tuesday, January 30, 2007

sometimes

sometimes i feel so lonely and alone
sometimes i feel so sad and hopeless
sometimes i want to love but all i have is pain
so conflicted, so confused, misunderstood
my plans and hopes and dreams seem to slip through my hands like water
sometimes there is no one there who understands
i know God is there, that He hears, He understands, He is enough
but sometimes i want and need someone or someones i can talk with
to tackle these thoughts and ideas with
they've all been taken away or left behind
i know it won't be like this forever
but this is how i feel
sometimes

Sunday, January 28, 2007

a long-ish post

ok....so...i'm gonna post about how friday night went...but first, a lil about my weekend...

Yesterday was good....got up and had breakfast with my parents and hung out a bit. My mom made breakfast burritos. yummy!! plus she makes a bunch of 'em to freeze so we can heat 'em up for a quick and easy breakfast. let's see....after that....came online and checked emails and chatted some. Then I watched a lil TV, unpacked some stuff, tidied my books and DVDs on my bookshelf and then had a late lunch. It was a pretty chilled day. I was gonna go to church, but kinda wasn't in the mood, so I stayed home and unpacked the box I got on Friday. (It was my last box from Croatia). Yay!! All my stuff from Croatia is finally unpacked....I still have to sort some of it and figure out where I'll put it all....I'm thinking I'll need to get another bookshelf or cupboard of some sort.

That brings us to today.....Sunday.....I decided to go to church this morning, which it is nice to have the option cuz our church has three services every weekend....one saturday evening and two on sunday morning. anyway, my sister and her hubby weren't able to go last night, so i went with them. it was really good!!! sometimes church can be boring, let's face it, but not this morning. i'm glad i went and thankful that it was good. lol (since it is all about me you know) after that, i stopped by Office Max to print out some letters and my resume that i was gonna fax from my sister's house. well...got them all printed up and went over to fax them. my sister looks at my resume and says, "uh...do you realize this word is 'xyz'?" crud!!!! i had a typo on my resume (which i've already sent out to some prospective employers) it was one of those words that without a letter could be another word, so the spell checker didn't catch it, neither did i nor the couple other people who've looked at it. ugh!!!! i feel so silly!!! and no, i'm not saying what word cuz i don't want to look like a complete idiot. thank God she saw it before i faxed it six more places. lol

alright...finally.....friday night.....i'll try not to babble on too much. oops, too late. so, since i've been back in the states, i haven't been in touch with too many new people...mostly my family (which is great, but c'mon sometimes we need other friends ). anyway, friday night was the kick off of a monthly sort of service or get together for college/young adults at my church. and yes, i'm on the upper end of that. i was really excited to go, but then felt kinda intimidated cuz i don't know anyone who goes. well, i got there a lil early and met a few people who were really nice and we got to talking a bit. as time went on, more people started showing up and i began to realize that most people i met didn't know anyone else either!!! it was great cuz we all felt a lil awkward since we didn't know anybody and were relieved to see we weren't alone in it!!
after a bit of mixing and mingling and yummy coffee, we had some great music then one of the guys who organized the night gave a talk. it was so good and really spoke to me where i'm at with things in my life right now. he talked about how we often ask the questions, "what is God's will for my life? what should i study? what job should i take? where should i live? who should i be with?" we can get so caught up in these things and the answers we forget about something that is more important. it isn't that God is not concerned about us and these issues in our lives, he is, but he is more concerned about who we are....what kind of people we are becoming. we can treat God like the guy at the mall or airport information booth. we ask when we need some sort of direction, we get that direction and then go on with things. we can have all the "right" answers to those questions, but still be the wrong people. our character...who we are...our hearts...that is what God is after. He wants to walk with us in our lives so to speak....to have his character replicated in us. the guy giving the talk gave a few examples of that....he said as we look to the life of Jesus, we see the characteristics God wants us to have. generousity.....humilty......doing the right thing.....treating people with love even when they don't deserve it. those are just to name a few. the talk really impacted me because i have been so worried about the when and where and how and when????? lol i'm starting to see things in a different perspective....to work on the "who" i am and am becoming. that life isn't about simply reaching a destination of a job or degree or location or relationship, but that it is about being and becoming the person God wants me to be....a relflection of all he is.

thanks for letting me share this with you!!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Well...

ok...i was gonna have this nice post about my evening tonight and stuff....but i'm feeling kinda crummy. hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow and be able to write about what i did tonight. yeah, so....buh-bye for now.

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