It is 7pm on a Friday night and I'm still at work...

...somebody slap me!!!

What is normal?

Faithful - Enter the Worship Circle

I want to sing you a love song
You are the thief of my heart
Rhythm and rhyme try to describe it
No matter how hard I try, I can't hide it

Faithful, you are faithful
I have found nothing but good in your heart
Loving, you are loving
I am in love with the way that you are
Thankful, I am thankful
I had been running away on my own
And then you found me, oh how you love me
I know you'll never leave, leave me alone

I want to sing you a love song
For you are the love of my life
Rhythm and rhyme try to explain it
No matter how hard I try, I can't contain it

I can't make you love me if you don't...and you don't (thank God!!)

Well, people. I was gonna post some sad Bonnie Raitt lyrics here but then came to my senses and realized, "Why the HELL am I still crying over that silly boy?!" Haha!!! I think sometimes God gives us what we (think we) want or at least a glimpse of it so that we can see that is not what we want AT ALL. He protects us from ourselves in that way. If I would have gotten what I wanted (at the time), it would have been disastrous for me. In a way I knew it, but thought *maybe just maybe* things could work out for us. Now I know they couldn't, can't and won't. What a relief, what freedom.

This is Our God - Chris Tomlin

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm

This is our God

He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years

This is our God

A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken

This is our God

And he brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness

This is our God

This is the one we have waited for

This is our God

A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely

This is our God

He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful

This is our God

Dreams to remember

It is always pleasant to read the warnings of side effects of the meds you are taking. "May cause sleeplessness." May?? Who are we kidding here? WILL cause sleeplessness and, apparently, very strange dreams when you actually DO finally fall asleep. Last night I should have slept like a baby...I wasn't feeling all that great, it was late (well, ok, not SO late, but for being sick, it was late), and well, I was super tired. Anyway, I tossed and turned for a while...my ear was bothering me and too many random thoughts that seemed to get all jumbled up and troublesome. Finally, I got up and took some ibuprofen for the pain and put some drops in my ear. That was fun...nice burning sensation. Yeah, the drops are supposed to have a numbing ingredient. Uh, not so much. Well, finally was feeling a bit better and fell asleep, yay! When I woke up in the morning I remembered my dream, which was actually a dream within a dream. In my dream, I was part of a rock band!! Woohoo!! The lead singer was John Denver!!! Even better!! I love John Denver, but it is a bit odd that we were in a rock band together. I remember singing some song that had to do with colors and there were lights and we had a drummer, a bassist and a guitar player. I sang backup vocals. Then I woke up and told everyone about my bad-ass Rock Star/John Denver dream. Yeah, I was pretty cool. Then i actually woke up and realized I had to go to work. Not so cool after all. Hehe.

Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

Something in the air

Hope is a tricky thing. There are days when I feel I've lost mine. And then there are days like today that I can sense it in the air every so slightly. It is the feeling that someone is near you and looking at you, but you know that if you turn to see them, they will be gone. That is how I feel about Hope today. I want it to be there and I want it to stay for a while, but I somehow know that if I pay any attention to it, when I turn, it won't be there. But maybe that is just fear whispering to me...to surrender to hopelessness...to give up. So I am making a decision to not give in to my fears. I am choosing to have Hope. Hope that God is good and that He has a good plan for me in the midst of all the chaos of my life. Hope that He is working even though I do not see it or feel it or know it. Hope that what He said is true. Hope that Christ is in me and is being formed in me. He is my Hope.

The Books on my Bookshelf

Amongst all the other random crap on my bookshelf (stuff animals, candles, CDs, and the odd DVD) the following is a list of the books on my bookshelf:

2nd shelf:
A Systems Approach to Small Group Interaction (Ninth Edition)
Business Ethics
Fugitive From the Cubicle Police (Dilbert comics)
Seven Years of Highly Defective People (more Dilbert comics)
The Dilbert Principle

3rd shelf:
One 2 One (this is discipleship material from the ministry I used to work with)
Basic 7 Steps to Successful Fasting & Prayer (hmm…I need to read this and figure out what I’ve been doing wrong)
Amy Carmichael: Let the Little Children Come
Mere Christianity
The Silmarillion
Extravagant Grace
The Hobbit
Brit-Think, Ameri-Think
Finding God in the Lord of the Rings
Bruchko
The Heavenly Man
Red Herrings and White Elephants
Praying Through Turkey
Eternity in Their Hearts
I Wrote This Book on Purpose
The Fracture Zone
The Life and Teachings of Christ Volume 3
Daughters of Islam
Into the Water
How to Write Missionary Letters
Survival Kit for Overseas Living
Blue Like Jazz
Survival of the Fittest
Survival for Busy Women
How the Irish Saved Civilization
The Gifts of the Jews
Home Cell Group Explosion (yes…not what you think it would be…there are no homemade bomb recipes in here…sorry to disappoint)
Every Nation in our Generation (another book from that ministry)
You’re as Healed as You are Saved
2 copies of Biblical Foundations (step two in the discipleship process, after One 2 One)
From Dreams to Destiny
The Decline and Fall of the Ottoman Empire
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (I think I threw up a little in my mouth as I typed this)
Developing Intimacy with God
Your Best Life Now
Karoca gre

4th shelf:
Jim and Casper Go to Church
You’re in Charge, Now What?
Business by the Book
Leaving Microsoft to Change the World
Halide’s Gift
LOTR – The Fellowship of the Ring
LOTR – The Two Towers
LOTR – The Return of the King
Langenscheidt’s Universal Dictionary – Croatian
A Book of Grace
My Utmost for His Highest
The Promise of God’s Power
God’s Words of Life
Laughter for a Woman’s Soul
Cry For Love
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
What’s So Amazing About Grace?
Divided by a Common Language
Captivating
Visioneering
The Winning Attitude (something I obviously don’t have, haha!!)
Boundaries
Language Acquisition Made Practical

This does not include the books I am currently reading: unChrisitian, People of the Book, and Three Cups of Tea (I thought there was one more, but now I can’t remember…oops).

Definately a Monday

It is only about 8:30pm and I am exhausted. Today I called in sick to work because I could tell I have an ear infection. Fun times. My ear started hurting when I was out Saturday night and I could feel it getting worse and worse. Yesterday it was quite uncomfortable, but thanks to several handfuls of ibuprofen I was able to subdue the pain. Anyway, this morning I got up to make a doctor's appointment and call my boss. I made the mistake of "resting" on the couch and almost didn't wake up for my appointment. Thankfully my doctor is not too far away and was only about 15 minutes late. The doctor listened to my lungs, looked at my tonsils and checked out my ear. Yup, ear infection. I can pretty much self-diagnose them at this point. She said that my ear canal was very swollen and she couldn't see my ear drum. That is nice. Two prescriptions later and I'm on my way to the store to get my meds. Walking back to my car in the parking lot, I had a somewhat strange experience. I saw this silver car with a fairly decent dent on the front left fender. Also had a little bit of paint cracking. Weird. My car was parked somewhere around there. Then I realized that it WAS my car. Wtf??? Since when do I have a huge dent in my car??? After a brief examination, I discovered that there were no paint scratches of any kind. Just a sizable dent and the paint chipped. I got in my car to drive home. Honestly, I was very angry. Very. Angry. There is much more I could write about all of that, but I will say that I had a slight discussion with God about it and came to the conclusion that He doesn't really care about my little circumstance. Not in the way that I want Him to. He just seemed to ask me, "What has changed?" Is He somehow not good or aware or still who He is because this happened? And although my emotions haven't really aligned to the fact that nothing has changed and of course He is still good and aware and who He is, I realized and accepted those facts at least on some intellectual level. So, that was good. Back to my day...I drove to my parents house and showed my dad the dent. He said he'd come with me to get a few estimates for the repairs. Then I went to the store to get my prescription filled. 2 hours. Great. After picking up a few groceries I headed to my house and fixed some lunch. Those two hours went by too fast and I went to get my dad for the estimates. Of course there was a long long line at the pharmacy window. Plan B. Went to three different auto body shops and got four estimates. If I get the whole panel replaced, it will cost over $1,000. Super. It will be less with my insurance, but I have to file a claim. Or one guy said he could fix the panel and repaint it for about $400. Hmmm. I'm not sure about all of this. Mostly it pisses me off that I have to pay to get it fixed in the first place. Since it is still drive-able I decided to wait a bit on the repair. Oh, did finally get my meds. Didn't get home until after 5:30pm. So much for a sick day to rest. If I'm still feeling crappy, I'm going to take another one tomorrow. Which honestly that thought makes me feel more crappy because I am only getting even further behind at work being out a day or two. Ok, I'm going to have to stop this post before panic sets in.

This picture always makes me laugh out loud

for grins

My Nine Names

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Davida
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.) Davizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav colour and fav animal) Purple Wolf
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name) Alena Arbor
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name) Pfudamil
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite colour, favorite drink). Blue Vodka
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name) Aunilke
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name) Sue
9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets)Black Snowball

Next left, please

Ok, so, I almost went over to HR today to see about another job, but I didn't. Although I did look at the job postings and start crying at my desk, but not at the same time. The thing is...I don't want another job. I like my job...well, parts of it. It would be nice to get through the day and actually clear more than three papers off of my desk (which, btw has never been messier and more unorganized and that drives me nuts!!!!). 90% of every phone call, email, conversation, situation, piece of mail, and paperwork is a three-ring circus. No one knows what to do or who to call. I need to call back or they will call me back (yeah, right). I feel like all I do is complain about my job. I try to think positively - that things will work out for the good. And, yeah, I can see that happening in maybe a year or so. But even April seems like a world away. Just getting through another day is progress, let alone making it through to next year. Sure everything is going to be ok and I need to be thankful I have a job. I just don't want to lose myself in all of this mess.

I really don't know how much longer I can take it...seriously.

this crappy thing makes these so tiny.

Welcome to my world - Part VII

Welcome to my world - Part VI

Welcome to my world - Part V

Welcome to my world - Part IV

Welcome to my world - Part III

Welcome to my world - Part II

Welcome to my world - Part I

Priorities

Yeah, I could use a drink....vodka would be nice and maybe a skosh of cranberry juice.

Hmmm...can you even read this?

A little place called Ireland...you may have heard of it.

Eire, the Emerald Isle, whatever you call it, the Republic of Ireland is a beautiful and magical place that is, in fact, not part of the United Kingdom (The Uk is England, Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland).

The Cliffs of Moher

Me with Ian (Actual Irishman) from The Elders

If you need me, I'll be at my weekend house...

I am totally crushing!!

Two of my favorite things...Pearls Before Swine and (De)motivational Posters